Jan 07 2009
Drinking Blood and Breast Milk - WTF?
Welcome dark passengers! Based on that title, do you even need me to tell you it’s WTF Wednesday? Or is the consumption of blood and breast milk by the general population now a widely accepted practice?
It’s so hard to know these days…
Today I thought I would share with y’all some of the searches that brought people to Your Dark Passenger this week - and seek to answer those search questions in the event I haven’t already. But before I do that, I want to share something with you that I just found out about, even though the story broke nearly four months ago. It’s okay, I already know I live under a rock so you don’t have to wonder if I’m aware.
My personal WTF moment of the day comes from the fact that PETA sent a letter back in September to Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream asking them to cease using cow’s milk for their yummy goodness and switch to breast milk. (If you also live under a rock, I’ll give you a moment to digest that.) I’d like to start of by saying that Sydney Cat and I have a deep respect for the organization. Even though neither of us are vegan or vegetarian, animal cruelty isn’t acceptable and the unscrupulous practices of some businesses in search of the almighty dollar should be stopped. PETA does some good work. What I can’t wrap my head around is how it’s better to tell human women that they’re lower on the totem pole than a dairy cow.
So…moving on. Keep in mind I love ALL my readers and am not making fun of anyone. We all type some bizarre stuff into search engines; it’s just that we don’t normally share it with the world. WTF searches:
is having a mistress common?
Sorry, dude. Only in pornos…and polygamy; although, I think the other women are just considered wives so it’s really not the same thing.
i talk to myself i pretend im someone im not
Congratulations. Because you said pretend that means you probably aren’t schizophrenic. On the flip-side, it also means you’re either bored or boring…or a method writer working on dialogue. *cough* Yeah, I’ve never done that. *cough*
what to feed a vampire
Are you frickin’ kidding me? It’s a person, not a puppy. You can’t have a vampire as a pet. *sighs* But if that question was supposed to be what do vampires eat, the answer is normal food unless they have food allergies. Pretty standard.
Can I become a vampire?
I think this one has come up at least 20 times this week, some weeks more. In short, no. Want the longer version? Read my post on it when I answered the question.
Where can you find real vampire blood to drink?
Okay…I’m gonna say you’ll need to come up with a great argument for why you believe fiction and try to convince a real vampire to give up the goods. Last time I checked, vampire blood isn’t available at Wal-Mart. But I have to ask…Why? It’s already been established that drinking vampire blood won’t turn you into a vampire and, if you are a sanguinarian vampire, it doesn’t make any sense to drink vampire blood because it’s missing the same energy your blood is so you’d be wasting your time. And if you are an awakening sanguinarian vampire and you just want to drink vampire blood for the sake of drinking vampire blood then you could probably just get that from yourself.
But again…I fail to see the point here. Stop using Angel as your vampire reference book. The only thing that show taught us that’s factual is that David Boreanaz is hot.
mental subconscious created nemesis fear dark energy
I have no clue what that peep might have been looking for, but Your Dark Passenger is the top Google search result for that. So…yeah.
real vampires sucking blood
Is it just me or does that read like a search for vampire porn?
Last one…i want some human blood to suck now right now
WHAT THE FANG? (edited in case the other word is more offensive than…that)
I think that about says it all. Later, peeps.
Jen
“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”
wow! These were too funny! I better never see breast milk as an ingredient on my ice cream!!! Maybe I can create a real vampire blood energy drink? And I can’t believe you can’t have a vampire as a pet
I’ll bet if someone were playing a kinky game they could have one….ahm, never mind 
You have to do these once in a while, it’s hysterical!
Switching to breast milk for ice cream? Sounds like a good idea, you can put it in the freezer next to the human sausages.
Aw heck - Jen, I have to stop reading you’re blog. I now have the Alice Cooper song “Black Widow” in my head: “These words he speaks are true, we’re all HUMANARY STEW, if we don’t pledge allegiance to - the black widow”
Yes, I know how you are about your ice cream, Star. A vampire blood energy drink, huh? Yeah…where ya gonna get your blood from, chickie? And the kinky game…How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to know about your kinky sex life with hubby?
I’m going to assume you’re kidding about the ice cream being a good idea and skip on over that, dletus.
whoa Whoa WHOA! I’m not going to be your scapegoat for all of your musical mind wanderings. And I am SO not going to pledge my allegiance to a frickin’ spider! That’s madness…madness, I tell you!
This was so ridiculous when I heard it. I mean seriously, I think there’s far worse things in that ice cream than the milk.
Kidding? Me? I’m serious. We need to become self-sufficient and stop relying on other species. Start milking mothers to provide the cream in my coffee. Funerals will be a thing of the past as the deceased are sent to the sausage, burger, and bologna factory.
While we’re at it we can put a stop to harming defenseless plants and grind the deceased’s bones to make the flour to make our pancakes that we smother in spinal fluid syrup. Yum!
The following comment was left yesterday by Ravyn and accidentally got deleted by me at 3:30 in the morning because I meant to hit approve and hit delete.
The URL is: http://exchangeofrealities.today.com
“Even leaving aside the other issues with the change in base ingredient, how the heck would they get enough breast milk to remain commercially viable, anyway? I mean, come on, they’d have a hard enough time just getting enough for an overpriced specialty line!
I liked the line about the “real vampires”. You’re right, that does sound like a tagline for somebody’s attempt at cheap porn.
….wanting blood, huh? Well, we can think positive–at least they’re scouring the internet rather than going after their neighbors… right? RIGHT?”
Lannaxe - I know, right? But are the worse things crueler to create than the milking of a cow? Better to milk women, apparently.
dletus - It’s people! We’re eating people! Soilent Green is people!
Ravyn - Sorry about the delete. Well, it would appear that since the best use of breast milk is a fattening sweet, we’ll just deprive the world’s infants to get the milk to make it. Sound good?
I’m glad it wasn’t just me who thought it sounded like vamp porn. It just read like those spam e-mails I get for hot, horny asian singles ready to party for me on webcam. (Remember, they think I’m a hot guy…)
Hmm…one can only assume they’re on the internet in lieu of drinking the blood of their neighbors. I mean, what’s the alternative? Their neighbor is bound and gagged in the corner while this nut job is on computer, telling us how much they want to drink blood while laughing maniacally?
Don’t sweat the deletion.
(Note: I’m not trying to take these possibilities seriously; there’s just even more potential for absurdity when you apply Miller’s Law, or “Assume for the moment a statement is true, and try to figure out what it would be true of.” Extrapolation of the absurd is fun.)
Looking at it from a purely economic standpoint, there are a lot more difficulties with the breastmilk issue than who was originally supposed to drink the stuff. One: you’d have to pay the donor, and I find it highly unlikely that the amount you’d have to pay would be less than it takes to maintain a cow long enough to get the same amount. Two, you’d have to find people to milk, and I imagine a higher percentage of people would a. be squicked by the prospect and b. have the opportunity to refuse. Financially viable? Not so much.
I’ll never tell where I get my real vampire blood
You know hubby isn’t the vampire type, unfortunately