Your Dark Passenger

Here’s a pointless fact about me, y’all…MSN is my homepage and I’ll read any piece of crap articles they put in that little three-page slide-show box of “news” at the top of the page.  Yeah…anything.  While I finish taping newspaper to my wall to uncover the MOTHER OF ALL VALENTINE’S DAY CONSPIRACIES for you, I thought I’d leave you with a little something something to pass the time while I wait for the aliens to beam inspiration into my brain.  (Tin foil hat…off.  Ready to receive.)

There’s probably a special link I’m supposed to use to link you up to this article, but there was one story on the side about why you can’t find a job even though you’ve sent out hundreds of applications and that distracted me.  I mean, obviously it’s because no one likes you, right?  Anyway, if you want the full list of 25 jobs that pay more than $25 then have at it.  I won’t be talking about all of them because, frankly, I lose the will to be sarcastic after about 10.

So, if the recent economic downturn has ruined your life affected your career path as it has millions of others then this might be worth a little looksie-loo. Don’t forget…all jobs on the list and salary estimates are from Careerbuilder writing Rachel…and I don’t think her article is crap, so we’re clear.  I think other things in the news box are crap…

• Loan Officer: $25/hr - This one is true.  I used to do this.  And let me just add that there’s no time to get into banking than at a time when the banking industry is crumbling faster than my desire to watch the nightly news.  Getting to be the one compensated for handing out loans when no one’s getting approved anymore is quite awesome.  Go for it!
• Forensic Science Technician: $25.28/hr - This one will probably be in high demand once things get really REALLY bad and peeps start looking to off their spouse for the insurance money.  Sure, you might have to wear a haz-mat suit to work and wade through rivers of blood, but the same can be said of Corporate America these days as well…
• Writer: $25.46/hr - It’s true.  You should really consider quitting your job if you’re still fortunate enough to have one and start a blog or ten.  So what if you haven’t written anything since you filled out the Burger King application?  It doesn’t matter if you can write; you just have to set up a blog and then after 3 posts you can be making $9 million a month just like me.  These results are not typical.  In fact, they’re so not typical that they don’t even apply to me. (Before the real writers can tell me I’m stupid - which you’d probably say as though that were brand new information or something - I should add that you actually can make that an hour, but you have to be willing to WORK for it.)
•  Medical Scientist: $25.64/hr - Okay, all of y’all who have advanced science degrees yet worked at Linen’s N Things until it shut down, you are so totally set.  And the rest of you?  I’m sure you can take advantage of this after a quick internet class…no problem.
• Curator: $26.49/hr - Yeah, yeah…I hear you saying you have no experience or education to back this up, but don’t they realize you know how to surf the internet on 7 pages at a time and send 100 text messages an minute?  Seriously, I wouldn’t even bother sending the Smithsonian your resume or a finely crafted cover letter; just tell them what level you are in World of Warcraft and that should really say it all.
• Budget Analyst: $27.39/hr - This one is a cake walk.  So what if you can’t balance your own checkbook?  It’s not like it’s your money or anything.
• Economist: $27.77/hr - Something tells me there will be a bunch of these positions available since all the economy gurus out there failed to predict this cluster *ahem* we’re now in.  I mean, could you really do any worse?
• Financial Advisor: $29.66/hr - Again, everyone got fired so there might be an opening or two out there for anyone who wants to try selling securities in an unstable market to people who are more paranoid than they were during the Great Depression. (I once had a client who told me all about it…each time he saw me at the bank…3-4 times a week…when he came in just for the coffee.)

There you have it…8 jobs that pay at least $25 per hour.  Now, if you’d like to make this an even 10 then may I suggest two jobs that are in demand and have unique perks?  That was rhetorical.  I’m going to tell you anyway.

• Soup Kitchen Worker - Sure the pay is either low or non-existent and you’ll be surrounded by peeps wearing dirt as a fashion accessory, but I’d be willing to bet you can get first dibs on the soup when it’s ready.  At least you won’t starve to death.
• Mob Errand Boy - So what if you have to kick up most of your money to Tony Soprano by way of Paulie Walnuts?  It’s not like the mob is having a bad year, at least, not that I’ve heard.  Have you heard about the recession harming the crime business?  Ooh…and when you’re not shaking down kids at lemonade stands for protection money, you might get to eat pasta with the boss.  (Look, I saw it on the Sopranos and we all know TV never lies.)

Happy hunting, dark passengers!

Jen

“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”

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