Apr 16 2009
How To Conduct Paranormal Investigations
As you may know, Your Dark Passenger has recently joined a paranormal investigation team in the area. After participating in my first two paranormal investigations, I can say for a fact that it’s a lot different from what you see on television. Then again, even some of the most ridiculous things you see in the media are based on some measure of fact.
Tonight we shall discuss paranormal investigations in all their, erm, glory. Sort of.
Welcome to How Not to Conduct Paranormal Investigations.
While there are no finite rules or standards for investigating paranormal phenomena in all its various forms, real paranormal investigators and television paranormal investigators seem to agree on some key points. Do not:
- Snap a million pictures and claim each particle of dust orb to be a ghost
- Leave your finger in front of the camera lens and decide it must have been a spirit trying to attack you
- Walk through the investigation site saying, “Here ghosty ghosty ghosty!”
- Decide you know what’s going on from only what the client tells you
- Call the client insane, crazy, bonkers or other unflattering adjectives - even if it’s true
- Use it as an opportunity to pass out religious pamphlets
- Invite the client to a network marketing seminar next weekend
- Run screaming from your own shadow
- Sell Pampered Chef, Avon or Amway in the middle of an investigation
- Pretend to channel the dead
- Trash the scene by “fighting” with the ghost
- Whisper threats under your breath during an EVP (electronic voice phenomenon) session
- Jump out of the closet yelling, “boo!”
- Try something because you saw it on a movie one time
- Investigate on your own to prove how tough you are
- Call your mom to talk about what a dump the place is
- Decide that every rustle, creaking or scratching sound is paranormal
While all of these seem to sum up the basics, the last one really drives home the key to conducting paranormal investigations. Too often, we can let our imaginations take us on this wild ride that has nothing to do with reality. Always work under the assumption that a rational explanation exists and try to find it. For instance, if a chilling tap keeps coming from the second floor window and there’s a tree outside of it then make certain to trim the branches back so they don’t touch the window. If the tapping still exists, there might be something to it. But there’s nothing paranormal about a tree reacting to the wind.
…unless it gets up and runs away, that is.
Jen
“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”
Some Pampered Chef stuff can be useful on a para-investigation, they have a thingy similar to the SlapChop. I won’t give away its secret use though
Star - No way! You would be a total shadow-hunting hero if you went on an investigation with me because we would channel the magical mojo of my own Level 7 Shadow Assassin…Sydney Cat!!
Kspace - You know, I had that thing from Pampered Chef and I didn’t find it cut all that well. Pieces were too small and almost watery and I found it was hard to clean. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I’m rather fond of chopping by hand. Guess I’m weird that way…
I hope you didn’t go by yourself to check it out because that’s a big no-no…and I’d be bummed because you know I would totally have gone with you when I was still up there!
I don’t know how the nifty paranormal kitchen chopper works, but my guess is this: When a ghost pops out to scare you, you try to use the chopper on it. If nothing happens, you’ve got a ghost. If it starts screaming in agony then you’re probably dealing with a fake.
I wonder if I’m close at all?