Your Dark Passenger

Apr 17 2009

How to Become a Vampire in Real Life

23 Responses to “How to Become a Vampire in Real Life”

1. # bill_fingeron 17 Apr 2009 at 6:04 am edit this

   Unfortunately, burning down your local Hot Topic is much harder than putting a stake through the heart of sleeping, old man. Is this a list post for the 31 Days of Blogging thing?

2. # kspaceon 17 Apr 2009 at 8:29 am edit this

   That was one of my most favorite South Park episodes ever! A close second only to “You Got Served”

3. # Dark Passengeron 17 Apr 2009 at 10:57 pm edit this

   Bill - But both are still considered felonies all the same. Hmm…You’d think I did this for the 31 days of blogging, but I actually published the post before I saw that assignment in my inbox. I wonder if that still counts…

   Kspace - Ooh…another good episode, but I think one of my all time faves is the one where Cartman, Butters and Token start a Christian Rock band just so he can win a $10 bet with Kyle. Good stuff!

   Star - D’oh! I forgot about that. I guess I could write an eBook about it still.

   I bet you’re right. I’m sure there are peeps who got all excited that I was finally going to give up a drop of my blood or something.

4. # yasser muhammad maheron 07 May 2009 at 11:59 pm edit this

   i think that the easiest and most effective way to become a vampire in real life is to eat HANNIBAL LECTER
   do you know where you can find him?
   peice of cake
   he is probably impresoned in count DRACULA’s castle in romania
   (hannibal went to count dracula’s castle intending to eat him
   but since count dracula was much more stronger than doctor lecter, the later failed in his mission and count dracula succeeded in seizing him
   some people beleive that doctor lecter is not there and that the one who was captured by count dracula was tom cruise putting a mask and impersonating doctor lecter to acomplish one of the former’s missions impossible
   on the other hand clarice starling is totally convinced that count dracula has never existed
   her beleif is supported by sir anthony hopkins’)

5. # Dark Passengeron 11 May 2009 at 8:18 pm edit this

   So…is this a dream you had?

6. # EMvampon 15 May 2009 at 1:14 am edit this

   Yeaaah… the thing is… i am a vampire! and i really hate your website name… we vamp’s are so not freaks. my friend, kennice and i now call people mortals! stupid freaking mortals… =D

7. # Dark Passengeron 17 May 2009 at 6:39 pm edit this

   Yeah, so the thing is…I don’t really care whether you like the blog name or not. Had you actually read the vampire posts that weren’t of a satirical nature then you’d know I don’t portray vamps as freaks.

   Have fun with your inflated sense of superiority, non-”stupid freaking mortal.” Oddly enough, the mortals you look so down upon aren’t actually mere mortals…they just don’t realize that yet. I don’t envy the rude awakening you’re in for when you finally come to understand life isn’t precisely the way you perceive it.

   Enjoy the illusion…

8. # Victoron 01 Jun 2009 at 1:47 pm edit this

   To EM Vamp. The stupid mortals as you put it are to be respected. Those who chose to ofer blood are needed and so are those who offer energy. Without them you starve. Stupid Vreaking half breads.

   To Dark Passenger. I enjoyed the blog. Not the name, but the content was good. I am a leader of a vampire coven who I will not name for we chose to remain anonamouse. Also we study diferent blood lines so you may call us the book worms of the dark realm. Any case Enjoyed the blog keep up the good work.

9. # Vampiress1996on 05 Jun 2009 at 12:42 pm edit this

   Go to hades mortals!!! We are soooo not freaks!!! i can control my thirst for blood… i can find love….i can laugh like any other mortal… to control my thirst i hunt only at night when nobody is awake… i cant be seen in the light or else my true vampire form will appear… (that ttly sucks) and dracula is dead!!! And hes NOT a vampire he was a prince of Romania!!! WATCH THE HISTORY CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!! -_-

10. # Dark Passengeron 10 Jun 2009 at 8:57 pm edit this

    Victor - Book worms of the dark realm, huh? Sounds like my kind of coven. As for the name…*shrugs*…I’ve already explained the meaning behind it numerous times so I’ve gone to the special place of being beyond caring what anyone thinks about it.

    Vampiress - Okay…seriously? Do any of you people actually read the serious content I’ve written about the subject or do you all just wait for me to post the one satirical entry that’s meant to poke fun at the many (MANY) kids who keep contacting me to beg to become vampires?

    And if you’re talking about the documentary on vampires from the History Channel that I’m thinking of then I can say with confidence that some of the “vampires” from there do more to portray real vampires as freaks then I ever could…or would.

    But, uh…good luck in trying to send all the “mortals” to the fictional place that’s existence I reject. Let me know how that works out for you.

11. # t2on 15 Jun 2009 at 12:29 pm edit this

    you guys r idiots

12. # Dark Passengeron 20 Jun 2009 at 12:19 am edit this

    …says the one who took the time to glace over the post, miss the fact that it was satirical in nature and then read through the comments. Oh…and deal with the reCaptcha thing that took longer to write than the entire comment…

    Methinks someone may have too much time on their hands…

13. # Katon 28 Jun 2009 at 4:32 pm edit this

    Do you Stupid people honestly think that dressing in black, spraying your hair black and getting a fake pair fangs will make you a vampire!?
    As if . I am a vampire i have brown hair and real fangs and i drink blood

14. # Dark Passengeron 11 Jul 2009 at 11:16 pm edit this

    Vampire Princess - Sorry, no spells. Rather than trying to become something you aren’t, may I suggest you focus on appreciating the individual you are? Regardless of what anyone says, no state of being is so much better than another…except for the state of being in which you are able to totally accept who and what you are and your love yourself for just being you.

    Just my opinion, of course.

    Kat - If that’s directed at me then A) you’ve clearly never seen that episode of South Park, B) don’t understand satire or C) have never read anything else I’ve written because you’d know this whole post is meant as a joke since you’d already know I do NOT believe any of that.

    And if you’re directing that at the commenter…*shrugs* I’m sure you know vamps also have black or blond or red hair, not just brown. And they don’t all get their pranic energy sustenance from blood…but, as a vampire, you’d already be aware of all that.

15. # Dark Passengeron 23 Jul 2009 at 11:10 pm edit this

    John - It is not necessary to ask your questions multiple times on this site and again at The Vampire Lair.

    In response to you question, I don’t know who that is and I don’t know why it is you’re calling him “master.” A couple of google searches told me nothing, except they play that vampire masquerade game. It is my understanding that the VAST majority of those playing the game are not vampires, but vampire lifestylers. So I can’t help you…which should be understandable since it’s not like I have the magical master list of all real vampires - living and dead - who’ve ever lived.

    Honestly, I think you’d have better luck getting an answer to that question by going directly to the source (Terry Nolan, in this case) because any answer you get from other sources will be little more than speculation and/or hearsay.

16. # himekoon 15 Aug 2009 at 2:25 am edit this

    i have no idea wat #2,4,&5 mean. care to explain someone? please keep in mind that i’m not the smartest of the people so try not to use big words, although i do know how to scare people awayX)

17. # Dark Passengeron 15 Aug 2009 at 9:20 pm edit this

    Himeko This post was actually a total joke that I wrote after watching the South Park episode where Butters became a “vampire” so that his parents couldn’t ground him anymore over stupid stuff. The steps I listed are what he went through.

    2. Butters bought that black spray that will temporarily dye your hair black.

    4. The South Park “vampires” had a this cup that they poured clamato (clam and tomato) juice into to drink because it sort of looked like blood.

    5. In the South Park episode, the “vampire” leader would say “per se” after he would say almost everything vampire related. Later, Butters said that he needed to “slumber, per se.” Per se is just another way of saying “in a way”…I think.

18. # Tiffanyon 25 Aug 2009 at 4:13 am edit this

    i want to be a real vampire.

19. # Jessicaon 18 Oct 2009 at 2:46 pm edit this

    its okay but not all vampires hair is black i know because i am one. your hair can be whatever color you want. herevis how to tell if you are one. you must have at least four sharp or simi sharp teeth. you must be very fast, athletic, and ok strong. You must make good gradesand be good in school. you must like rap and pop music.

20. # nikka maeon 28 Oct 2009 at 8:57 am edit this

    i want to have a handsome vampire boyfriend whos like my age

21. # Dark Passengeron 30 Oct 2009 at 11:42 pm edit this

    Tiffany - Good for you.

    Jessica - You’re oversimplifying. Not all vampires will be exactly like you. *gasps* Some might even like rock ‘n’ roll!

    Nikka - Don’t we all…

22. # ExoticLoveron 01 Nov 2009 at 4:22 pm edit this

    wow ive always been in love with vampires the whole ideal of them are amazing but question..> iz it really iternal life being a vamp if is do they stay looking young forever…??!!! GOSH I LOVE VAMPIRES

23. # Dark Passengeron 01 Nov 2009 at 5:20 pm edit this

    Nope. Immortal, undead vampires are a myth. Real vamps are just like everyone else…except for the energy deficiency.

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