Your Dark Passenger

Yes, you heard me correctly. Bella Swan is schizophrenic. Before everyone rushes to defend their favorite fictional klutz from the Twilight Saga, hear me out. There’ll be plenty of opportunities to come after me with torches and pitchforks after I’ve made my case.

Why am I even thinking about this, you may wonder. Well, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been bombarded with movie trailers on television and internet ads about movie. I get it. New Moon opens Friday. I’ll be at the midnight premiere playing chaperone to two screaming teenage vampire fangirls.

But the Twilight fans alone can’t make Bella’s character any saner. I should have noticed it when I read the first book, but the full depth of her mental illness didn’t dawn on me (no pun intended) until after I read Breaking Dawn. (more…)

Happy weekend, dark passengers. I haven’t done this in a while, so it’s time to share a bit of the insanity in my head at any given minute with you. It has very little to do with the paranormal, if anything, but I guarantee some entertainment value.

First, I’m taking my sister to see the new Twilight movie “New Moon” on Thursday night…well, technically it’s Friday morning, but I don’t go to bed before midnight so it’ll be my Thursday. I’ve been meaning to get back to the vampire site, so you can look for more my movie review and impression of all the wild fans at the premiere on Friday…or still my Thursday since I’ll do it before I go to bed.

But, seriously y’all, if chick spends the bulk of the movie crying about missing Edward…there’s a good chance I’m falling asleep. I’m just sayin’…

So, anyway, hubby’s been home most of the week with a semi-flu and it made me think back to about a month ago when I was last home sick…before I started working at home again. Here’s a random fact about me: When I’m sick, I watch cooking shows on the Food Network. All day. All night. No reason…I just like to pretend I’ll learn how to cook as a result. So far, I can make a rue (sp?) and an apple crumble. Progress, I suppose.

That got me thinking about cooking shows in general. Everyone is so composed and experienced. It’s nothing like when us normal peeps get in the kitchen and suddenly our “simple syrup” is all over the stove and floor refusing to come up. I think we need a normal person running a cooking show. Put someone with a basic to moderate skill level - like me - in front of the camera and give her a recipe she’s never seen before. Maybe she’s got the right the equipment or maybe she has to figure out how to make double boiler out of pots and bowls like the rest of us do. Let all the normal people watch someone totally screw up a recipe the way we would at home the first time we see. Only then should you bring in the experienced chef to offer advice on what was done wrong and how to manage tricky techniques.

So, for your enjoyment, here’s a little creation from the back of my head: “How to run a real cooking show”

1. Welcome the audience and show a picture from the cookbook of the complicated recipe
2. Tell a little story about your childhood as it semi-relates to the recipe while you gather ingredients
3. Realize nothing is thawed out and cut to commercial while 8 hours of thawing time pass
4. Welcome everyone back and get out the necessary cookware
5. Realize hubby didn’t run the dishwasher like he was supposed to and take another commercial break
6. Demonstrate the proper way to chop vegetables while yelling over the noise of the dishwasher
7. Cut your finger and bite your lip to avoid screaming obscenities at your cutting board
8. Let the oil heat in the pan while you tell more stories and unload the dishes
9. Add the garlic to infuse in the oil
10. Jump five feet when the oil pops at your arm
11. Wonder what’s burning and realize the heat is set too high
12. Dump out the burnt garlic and start over on the correct setting
13. Demonstrate how to use kitchen shears to cut chicken into stir fry strips
14. Throw the shears in the sink when you realize they’re as dull as your kids safety scissors
15. Try your kids safety scissors and swear under your breath when they work better than kitchen shears
16. Pretend to be happy when hubby comes home and asks if dinner’s ready
17. Realize you burnt the garlic. Again.
18. Start the oil and garlic yet again
19. Go to add the chopped veggies and realize hubby ate them while he was pretending to straighten up the kitchen
20. Slam the cookbook closed
21. Order pizza
22. Thank your viewers for tuning in and invite them to tune in next time when you’ll make some other impossible dish…or order Chinese take out

And that, dark passengers, is the way a real life cooking show would go.

So, what would your cooking show be like? Do you do anything unusual when you’re sick? Going to see “New Moon?” Want to tell me I’m a crazy person? Lots of commenting options today.

Jen

“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”

I was supposed to be telling you about my imaginary cooking show tonight, but I got pulled into thinking about energy shifts. Specifically, I’m thinking about the speculated 2012 energy shift.

What’s gonna happen, y’all? Any peeps with better developed psychic gifts than mine care to share what you “know” with the rest of the class?

Wait…that’s more of a side note than the point. I was just reading a post over at Merry Meet where Tara shared a personal experience. You can read the details over there, but she mentions the year 2005 in relation to 2012.

Can it really just be a coincidence that what happened to her was 7 years before the big whatever? (more…)