Your Dark Passenger

Happy weekend, dark passengers. I haven’t done this in a while, so it’s time to share a bit of the insanity in my head at any given minute with you. It has very little to do with the paranormal, if anything, but I guarantee some entertainment value.

First, I’m taking my sister to see the new Twilight movie “New Moon” on Thursday night…well, technically it’s Friday morning, but I don’t go to bed before midnight so it’ll be my Thursday. I’ve been meaning to get back to the vampire site, so you can look for more my movie review and impression of all the wild fans at the premiere on Friday…or still my Thursday since I’ll do it before I go to bed.

But, seriously y’all, if chick spends the bulk of the movie crying about missing Edward…there’s a good chance I’m falling asleep. I’m just sayin’…

So, anyway, hubby’s been home most of the week with a semi-flu and it made me think back to about a month ago when I was last home sick…before I started working at home again. Here’s a random fact about me: When I’m sick, I watch cooking shows on the Food Network. All day. All night. No reason…I just like to pretend I’ll learn how to cook as a result. So far, I can make a rue (sp?) and an apple crumble. Progress, I suppose.

That got me thinking about cooking shows in general. Everyone is so composed and experienced. It’s nothing like when us normal peeps get in the kitchen and suddenly our “simple syrup” is all over the stove and floor refusing to come up. I think we need a normal person running a cooking show. Put someone with a basic to moderate skill level - like me - in front of the camera and give her a recipe she’s never seen before. Maybe she’s got the right the equipment or maybe she has to figure out how to make double boiler out of pots and bowls like the rest of us do. Let all the normal people watch someone totally screw up a recipe the way we would at home the first time we see. Only then should you bring in the experienced chef to offer advice on what was done wrong and how to manage tricky techniques.

So, for your enjoyment, here’s a little creation from the back of my head: “How to run a real cooking show”

1. Welcome the audience and show a picture from the cookbook of the complicated recipe
2. Tell a little story about your childhood as it semi-relates to the recipe while you gather ingredients
3. Realize nothing is thawed out and cut to commercial while 8 hours of thawing time pass
4. Welcome everyone back and get out the necessary cookware
5. Realize hubby didn’t run the dishwasher like he was supposed to and take another commercial break
6. Demonstrate the proper way to chop vegetables while yelling over the noise of the dishwasher
7. Cut your finger and bite your lip to avoid screaming obscenities at your cutting board
8. Let the oil heat in the pan while you tell more stories and unload the dishes
9. Add the garlic to infuse in the oil
10. Jump five feet when the oil pops at your arm
11. Wonder what’s burning and realize the heat is set too high
12. Dump out the burnt garlic and start over on the correct setting
13. Demonstrate how to use kitchen shears to cut chicken into stir fry strips
14. Throw the shears in the sink when you realize they’re as dull as your kids safety scissors
15. Try your kids safety scissors and swear under your breath when they work better than kitchen shears
16. Pretend to be happy when hubby comes home and asks if dinner’s ready
17. Realize you burnt the garlic. Again.
18. Start the oil and garlic yet again
19. Go to add the chopped veggies and realize hubby ate them while he was pretending to straighten up the kitchen
20. Slam the cookbook closed
21. Order pizza
22. Thank your viewers for tuning in and invite them to tune in next time when you’ll make some other impossible dish…or order Chinese take out

And that, dark passengers, is the way a real life cooking show would go.

So, what would your cooking show be like? Do you do anything unusual when you’re sick? Going to see “New Moon?” Want to tell me I’m a crazy person? Lots of commenting options today.

Jen

“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”

It has been one crazy week, dark passengers.  I should have had loads of time to write but things got seriously out of hand.  I ended up going to the two hour psychic development class tonight and we worked on channeling.  I didn’t expect to be able to do anything, but…yeah.  More on that later.

Right now I want to talk about what kept me out late on Wednesday night.  One of the ladies at work had extra passes to the advance screening of The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds.  I’ve only got this to say about it: “To the window!  To the wall!”

Fans of Lil’ Jon will already be on the bitches crawl part so I’ll give them a second to come back to the rest of us…

Anyway.  You know how the best parts of the movie are usually what they show in the previews and then the rest of the movie is total crap?  This movie was totally not like that.  Don’t get me wrong, the parts from the previews were still totally hilarious - even moreso when they were in context and not a bunch of clips strung together - but the stuff they didn’t show in the previews was even better.

Ryan Reynolds was yummy-licious, as usual.  Sandra Bullock was brilliant. I really enjoyed seeing them on screen together for sure.  I don’t usually recommend romantic comedies, but The Proposal is definitely one I’ll be seeing again so I highly recommend it to any of y’all!

Jen

“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”

Okay, dark passengers…It’s time for me to do something you’ll probably never seen again.  As you may or may not know, I never participate in blog awards or tags or anything like that.  I think I primarily shy away from them because I assume you come here to read about whatever random insanity I’m blabbing about on any given day, not that I’ve been nominated for this or that.

And, let’s face it, they just don’t fit in well with all the dark oddities found here.

But a few days ago, Deb over at Coffee Break tagged me so I thought I would participate - sort of.  I sort of because I’m not going to tag anyone else.  I’ve already got some of my fellow bloggers listed in the sidebar.  What I will do is share 7 facts about myself you may not know.  (Here goes nothing…) (more…)

I swear, I should be seeing the doctor in the picture instead of my moron specialist.  Would you like to know what Dr. Moron’s office had to say?Oh, I’ll tell you, but first I need to back up and let you know what happened on Tuesday at my appointment.  FYI - My dark passenger is pissed. (more…)

I wasn’t going to post, but then I was approving the comments sitting in the moderation cue and I saw I was at post 99.  How do you not make a 100th blog post?

Yeah, I didn’t know either, so here I am. 

So what do people do for their 100th blog post?  Do I pull out all the stops and the awesome smiley collection I accumulated from when I was running forums?  (Yes, I have perhaps 1,000 smileys and my collection of sex smileys is really quite impressive, in a sick-sad way.)  Sadly, I don’t know if the bj smiley is in the best taste for my blog so…*sighs*…perhaps another time.

Am I supposed to thank all of my awesome readers for sticking with me when I’ve made absolutely zero sense about 100% of the time?  Hmm…not a bad plan really because y’all are awesome; however, that would mean I have to acknowledge my insanity levels are off the charts - even when I haven’t issued the tin foil hat warning.

Sorry…no reader lovefest post for you.  (Would that be Blog Stock?)

Instead, I’m here to let you know someone out there wants me to stop blogging.  I’ve gotten my first threat.  Please click here to see the threat for yourself.  Check it out if you want.  It would be nice to get some feedback on whether I should be concerned about this or not.

Jen

“Let your dark passenger come out to play…Be your own nemesis!”